Statue of WFMY reporter to be erected at Guilford Battleground Park

GREENSBORO, NC -- In a fascinating testament to the good things that can come from ignoring mistakes, the National Park Service has decided to honor a WFMY reporter with a statue in the Guilford Battleground Military Park.

Two weeks ago WFMY reporter Michael Radostits posted an erroneous story to the station's website in which he identified General Nathanael Greene as the victor over the British Redcoats at the Revolutionary War Battle of Guilford Courthouse in contradiction to actual events. Radostits wrote:

"On Saturday, people came out to celebrate General Greene's 271st birthday at Guilford Courthouse National Battlefield in Greensboro. It's the same sight [sic] where Greene earned his victory over the British."

Although it had been previously heretofore known that Greene actually lost the battle, the National Parks Service has decided to honor Radostits with a statue in the park for singlehandedly changing history. Park spokesperson Martha Lighthorse explained:

"We contacted WFMY about the error. We called them, facebooked them, tweeted them and texted them, but the story remained uncorrected. We tried to get creative and sent a General Greene impersonator to the station, but they mistook him for a Good Morning Show guest and he ended up featured on a segment about back-to-school fashion."

Lighthorse described a subsequent meeting with park staff:

"We started thinking, this may not be so bad. After all, Greene already has the largest statue in the park and it really does sound more exciting to say that Greensboro was named after a winner instead of a loser, so we thought, what the hey? Let's do this thing and honor Michael for making history better."

The Park Service announced yesterday that they will erect a statue of Radostits in the park. A press release explained:

"With history no longer subject to facts, we felt free to take some liberties with the design of the statue and had it fashioned in the "Modern Colonial Greek" style. (Pictured below).

The press release went on to explain:

We will celebrate the erecting of the Radostits monument with a reenactment of the battle of Guilford Courthouse, with General Greene's army joined by a battalion of Jedi Knights as they take on the Redcoats and the WWE All Stars on horse-drawn chariots. The battle will conclude with Radostits himself riding to the rescue in an authentic replica of a solar-powered M4 Sherman Tank."

Radostits could not be reached for comment, but he Tweeted:

omg! icymi #guilfordpark 2 erect (LOL) fab statue of @radostits cuz i da man. deets on fb. YW #greensboro #generalgreen #corporalklinger #majornelson #mrhand

Mayor's lawyer/campaign contributor supports mayor's efforts to squelch speakers

GREENSBORO, NC -- Billy Jones takes issue with a letter to the editor in the News & Record in which the writer, Reid Phillips, launches a mean spirited personal attack against people who speak at city council meetings whom he deems to be "cranks." Phillips does so in support of Mayor Robbie Perkins' proposal to place additional restrictions on citizens speaking during the public comment period of city council meetings.

Billy's beef with the writer is Phillips' claim that the "cranks" are crowding out other speakers. Not true says Billy, and I have to say I think Billy is right. In recent memory, I've not noticed anybody being denied the opportunity to speak because there were too many speakers. In fact, at the last city council meeting, there were only three such speakers.

I have another beef though, with the N&R: It should do a better job of identifying letter writers' relationships to the subject or parties about which they write. In this case, Phillips is not just some unconnected mean old fart*. No. Phillips' law firm is employed by the mayor and Phillips was a campaign contributor to the mayor's campaign.

Readers might decide that those relationships don't shade their consideration of Mr. Phillips' opinion—or they might—but the N&R should have made those relationships known.

(*This is strictly a rhetorical flourish for effect, I have no evidence that Phillips is not nice, youthful and sweet smelling. I mean, I doubt it, but you know... lawyers -- especially those hostile to the First Amendment -- you have to be careful.)

Local currency? Harumph!

The News & Record's Doug Clark is down on the idea of a local currency. To the idea that merchants may offer a discount for using the local bucks, he writes:

If they do, they'll lose my business. In effect, that would be penalizing me to pay with dollars.

Harumph! That'll show 'em!

Similarly, I'm going to stop shopping at merchants who offer coupons in the News & Record, because I'm penalized for not using them.

BREAKING: UNIDENTIFIED DOG BEATER RUNNING FOR MAYOR

BREAKING :-) BREAKING :-) BREAKING :-)

GREENSBORO, NC -- Local blogger Joe Guarino, Greensboro's Matt Drudge, has revealed that a candidate for mayor, whom Guarino did not identify, was seen beating his dog in public. This has been confirmed by this blogger.

The candidate in question was walking his dog at Country Park, when Moocher slipped her collar and took off after a goose. The candidate, despondent from unspecified immoral acts, was slow to react and Moocher had the goose by her neck in no time flat. The candidate roused himself from memories of raindrops and kittens and sprang into action, calling to the dog. Nearby picnickers thought he was yelling at them.

The candidate ran towards Moocher and in the general direction of the picnic shelter, waving the leash overhead like a lasso and yelling "Moocher! Moocher! Let go of the bird, girl."

Mistaking him for a rabid Michal Savage fan (weeknights locally 101.1 FM) and thinking the candidate was yelling at his wife, one of the picnickers met the running candidate with a stand-up block right under his, I'm told, manly chin.

The candidate went flying, landing on the geese poop—greased grass, sliding towards the water's edge and the dogged goose. The picnicker was in pursuit. The goose was on its last breath. Time was of the essence.

In an act of pure communicative efficiency of the kind justified by centuries of tradition and sanctified by God himself, man took dominion over beast and a swift lash was delivered across Moocher's flank. This elicited an immediate howl which precipitated the goose who plopped to the ground motionless.

The picnicker was closing in. Thirty yards. Twenty. Thighs rippling, chest heaving.

With the precision and accuracy of a Kung Foo master, the candidate karate chopped the collar onto Moocher, grabbed the goose and ran towards the Natural Science Center, Moocher happily leading the way. The picnicker pulled up short, reluctant to keep his melting Gnam Gnam waiting.

At the Science Center, curators and junior curators attempted to revive the goose. Valiant efforts were made, the pictures of which will surely soon surface as some freakout over girl-on-goose in taxpayer supported facilities.

That is all this blogger can confirm at this time. I'm trying to track down the goose. I heard it ended up as a most delicious special at Nico's, but that is unconfirmed.