Friday, August 23, 2013

Statue of WFMY reporter to be erected at Guilford Battleground Park

GREENSBORO, NC -- In a fascinating testament to the good things that can come from ignoring mistakes, the National Park Service has decided to honor a WFMY reporter with a statue in the Guilford Battleground Military Park.

Two weeks ago WFMY reporter Michael Radostits posted an erroneous story to the station's website in which he identified General Nathanael Greene as the victor over the British Redcoats at the Revolutionary War Battle of Guilford Courthouse in contradiction to actual events. Radostits wrote:
"On Saturday, people came out to celebrate General Greene's 271st birthday at Guilford Courthouse National Battlefield in Greensboro. It's the same sight [sic] where Greene earned his victory over the British."
Although it had been previously heretofore known that Greene actually lost the battle, the National Parks Service has decided to honor Radostits with a statue in the park for singlehandedly changing history. Park spokesperson Martha Lighthorse explained:
"We contacted WFMY about the error. We called them, facebooked them, tweeted them and texted them, but the story remained uncorrected. We tried to get creative and sent a General Greene impersonator to the station, but they mistook him for a Good Morning Show guest and he ended up featured on a segment about back-to-school fashion."
Lighthorse described a subsequent meeting with park staff:
"We started thinking, this may not be so bad. After all, Greene already has the largest statue in the park and it really does sound more exciting to say that Greensboro was named after a winner instead of a loser, so we thought, what the hey? Let's do this thing and honor Michael for making history better."
The Park Service announced yesterday that they will erect a statue of Radostits in the park. A press release explained:
"With history no longer subject to facts, we felt free to take some liberties with the design of the statue and had it fashioned in the "Modern Colonial Greek" style. (Pictured below).

The press release went on to explain:
We will celebrate the erecting of the Radostits monument with a reenactment of the battle of Guilford Courthouse, with General Greene's army joined by a battalion of Jedi Knights as they take on the Redcoats and the WWE All Stars on horse-drawn chariots. The battle will conclude with Radostits himself riding to the rescue in an authentic replica of a solar-powered M4 Sherman Tank."
Radostits could not be reached for comment, but he Tweeted:
omg! icymi #guilfordpark 2 erect (LOL) fab statue of @radostits cuz i da man. deets on fb. YW #greensboro #generalgreen #corporalklinger #majornelson #mrhand

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Holy. Shit.

That's it, we're doomed. The 'reporter's' response is icing on the cake. I'm really starting to fucking hate my hometown and home state. Also, icymi is the stupidest acronym ever. It's the fucking Internet - how can you miss anything?

Fuck it.


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