BREAKING :-) BREAKING :-) BREAKING :-)
GREENSBORO, NC -- Local blogger Joe Guarino, Greensboro's Matt Drudge, has revealed that a candidate for mayor, whom Guarino did not identify, was seen beating his dog in public. This has been confirmed by this blogger.
The candidate in question was walking his dog at Country Park, when Moocher slipped her collar and took off after a goose. The candidate, despondent from unspecified immoral acts, was slow to react and Moocher had the goose by her neck in no time flat. The candidate roused himself from memories of raindrops and kittens and sprang into action, calling to the dog. Nearby picnickers thought he was yelling at them.
The candidate ran towards Moocher and in the general direction of the picnic shelter, waving the leash overhead like a lasso and yelling "Moocher! Moocher! Let go of the bird, girl."
Mistaking him for a rabid Michal Savage fan (weeknights locally 101.1 FM) and thinking the candidate was yelling at his wife, one of the picnickers met the running candidate with a stand-up block right under his, I'm told, manly chin.
The candidate went flying, landing on the geese poop—greased grass, sliding towards the water's edge and the dogged goose. The picnicker was in pursuit. The goose was on its last breath. Time was of the essence.
In an act of pure communicative efficiency of the kind justified by centuries of tradition and sanctified by God himself, man took dominion over beast and a swift lash was delivered across Moocher's flank. This elicited an immediate howl which precipitated the goose who plopped to the ground motionless.
The picnicker was closing in. Thirty yards. Twenty. Thighs rippling, chest heaving.
With the precision and accuracy of a Kung Foo master, the candidate karate chopped the collar onto Moocher, grabbed the goose and ran towards the Natural Science Center, Moocher happily leading the way. The picnicker pulled up short, reluctant to keep his melting Gnam Gnam waiting.
At the Science Center, curators and junior curators attempted to revive the goose. Valiant efforts were made, the pictures of which will surely soon surface as some freakout over girl-on-goose in taxpayer supported facilities.
That is all this blogger can confirm at this time. I'm trying to track down the goose. I heard it ended up as a most delicious special at Nico's, but that is unconfirmed.
Love it!
ReplyDeleteSadly, I hear that Moocher's life-long playmate, Looter, was taken in the separation agreement. Moocher's despondency is therefore quite understandable.
ReplyDeleteBesides, you can barely walk, much less run, in Country Park for the enormous number of geese and their castings.
Moocher had inadvertently done the community a favor, even if The Evil Dr. Guarino, in his madness, cannot see it.